The Vampire, Victor Madden

Pt. 1 : A Fixed Point in the Cosmos | Pt. 2 : My Life for Yours | Pt. 3 : Forgive Me | Pt. 4 : Robin's Journal, July 21

Embracing Nature

As was a becoming somewhat of a custom, Peter and I were walking through the estate house as we talked. Our discussion ranged over more than a few topics, most of them light and pleasant, but eventually turning to the one subject that seemed to be as ever present these days as the voice in Peter's mind.

Flynn.

We entered the study side by side as Peter grinned at me playfully. "Remember, lover... you are bonded to a telepath. I cannot always reach out past the assassin, which is where my fear of losing control comes from. But I can sometimes manage a psychic transmission here and there." Here he winked and I had to chuckle, but as the pause between his words stretched out I wondered where his thoughts went as I watched his expression sober. He stopped walking just before his desk and swallowed hard.  "I have something i wish to talk to you about, actually." His eyes lowered to regard his hands. "Which, you can tell me if you would rather not... this is not something which must transpire tomorrow. But you are often my voice of reason, lover."

I frowned slightly at the abrupt change in the tenor of our conversation. "Speak, lover. Since we were just talking of Flynn I can guess at least part of what you want to discuss."

He nodded and sat on the corner of his desk, looking back at me with an even expression. "I find that irony crosses paths with me on more than one occasion and this is, possibly one of those times when it has adorned itself in full colors to march across my life again. I have been doing a great deal of thinking based upon the past couple of days, lover. And I think... I had it all wrong when I wrote to Celeste of locking the assassin away altogether."

Nodding slowly, I perched on the arm of one of the chairs near the desk as I considered him.  "What do you mean by 'all wrong', lover?"

Peter drew in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.  "All night and all day I have been wrestling with how in the world to find a solution to this problem, because you and I both know how we mutually feel about anything happening to one of us or the other. We cannot allow it to consume us, as you noted to me earlier, because then we miss out on enjoying the things which inspired our love for one another in the first place. At the same time, though, and herein lies the irony, in two parts. While I had it all wrong in my approach, the letter, regardless of its intent, brings up a solution. or what I perceive to be a solution, in any event. The other irony being that it involves what we were just discussing about vampires and their natures."

My frown deepened for a moment but as I sifted through the implications of what had just been said I couldn't help but regard my lover with more than a bit of curiosity.  "You want to embrace Flynn."

He gazed back at me evenly as though trying to gauge my reaction.  "On my terms. To be perfectly honest..." His eyes left mine as he looked away and sighed. "He has been...very dormant lately because I have been asserting my presence here and none too happy about the times when he is out and prevents me from being," he looked at me again with only the slightest pause in his speech, "with you. I can feel the alienation, this is why I reach through my abilities to talk to you. I hate it and strangely enough, Flynn has been quiet of his own accord lately."  Something prompted him to his feet and he began to pace. "I think you are right when you tell me I influence his demeanor. That could be enough to bridle him for a time, but I fear that one slip up. That one moment of agitation gone unchecked. If he is not an issue, then my actions are my own and they would never be malicious against you. But tell me..." The pacing stopped as suddenly as it started as Peter turned back to face me. "Is this foolish, lover? I want nothing to change between us. Nothing."

"Actually," I said slowly, "my first question would have been whether you have discussed this with Celeste." I folded my arms across my chest and looked into the distance, thoughtful. "It is not foolish, lover. Not at all. I..." Hesitating over my next words, my eyes shifted back to him. "You have often spoken that the assassin whispers to you when certain things are close to the surface...the need to feed being that chief one. And he has learned things from you, how to love, be part of a family. I suppose the commonalities would not change. It is the differences that I wonder about." I nodded to myself as though to assert the validity of my own thoughts. "But, truth be told, I would say that embracing Flynn actually seems to be the best course of action, considering all the alternatives. And perhaps it really will let us close the book."

Peter nodded. "I know this shall sound like something akin to an idiotic confession, but..." He looked away, seeming to struggle with whatever he was trying to say. "I...enjoy killing. A lot." I had to suppress an expression of amusement as he drew in a long breath and then laughed before continuing his confession. "I...enjoy feeding and these decadent nights we spend together. In some senses, I could already sense something like this wishing to happen. We speak of seducing mortals and feeding from them... of indulging those pleasures only the vampire can relish and..." A wicked glint appeared in Peter's eyes, something that was still a very new expression and I couldn't help but shiver at it. "I enjoy it. Immensely. I want it. I think you are looking at the key difference right here, my lover." The corners of his mouth curled upward into a grin. "Your poet relishing this immortal gift and taking hold of it to share with you. No apologies. No leaning on the inclinations of the assassin to consummate them. I would take ownership of this divided psyche and mend it together again."

A wicked grin spread across my lips as I regarded him. "I must say, lover, I have no objections whatsoever when you put it that way. I love watching you embrace your nature on our hunts, allowing yourself to immerse in the exquisite pleasures only a vampire can experience. You are quite the site to behold when you do not hold yourself back." Nodding again, I leaned forward where I sat, still grinning. "If you are of a mind to embrace them further, I will not only not object, but encourage it." I stood and stepped closer to him, raising my hand to rest it on his shoulder out of a need to anchor myself to him somehow. My eyes focused on his intently. "Be what you are, lover. There is no shame in admitting the simple truths of our nature. Enjoy the hunts, the sensual pleasures, and harbor no reservations about allowing yourself to immerse within them. Be what you are without apology, and you will find peace in your own nature."

Peter nodded slowly, and his hand reached to brush my cheek while his eyes stayed locked on mine. "I want to be all of those things, lover. Yes, to be at peace within myself, but," his grin returned, "to enjoy them all with you. i know there is further irony in a vampire stating how alive something makes him feel, but as I have told you before," he leaned forward and kissed my forehead, "you cause me to come alive. Perhaps this is why. Because you inspire my true nature and therein do I sense this reconciled existence within me." His eyes closed and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I want to be with you and be what I am with you, my eternal maestro. No alter egos or threats between us. Simply us and nothing more."

I nodded slowly, my hand moving from his shoulder to touch his cheek. "Then be with me, lover. I could ask for nothing more. I love you and I need you. Even with Flynn in the picture that would never change, I promise you. But I can well understand the need for a whole existence and I will help you find it in whatever way I can, my poet."

"This is what I want, my lover. This, more than anything else. To be whole and to relish being what I am with you. Our simplicity for all of eternity. This is what my soul craves." A frown settled onto his expression. "But what do I do about Celeste, lover?"

I frowned back at him. "I am not certain, truth be told. She loves Flynn..." I closed my eyes for a long moment as memories of Celeste and the assassin played through my mind. "It is more than that, I know. And you know this even more poignantly than I do. I do not know if she would look at this as freeing Flynn, or removing him..." My eyes opened again to look at Peter. "If she can see this as a chance for freedom for him, that this is what he wants just as much as you do, I think she may accept the idea."

"It is possible," he said after a moment, "but she assuredly would not have that exclusive lover any longer. She would have to understand as much. My affections, my heart, and my soul are what would take precedence and she would have to take me as I am." Peter seemed to muse on that for a moment, then nodded. "Perhaps if it was worded as freeing him, it would be more palatable to her." He paused, closing his eyes in silence for a long moment before looking at me again. "You are what matters most to me, Victor. This, lover, is my heart."

His words brought a soft smile to my lips. "I know, lover. Truly, I do." A nagging thought seemed to me tapping on my shoulder and I frowned again. I wished this was simply a matter of being able to reassure Peter about his decision, but I felt I would be doing him a disservice if I did not bring up the other concerns that surrounded it. "But even beyond Celeste, there are many others who would miss Flynn dearly. I realize he has been subdued recently, but there is something about his presence that seems to inspire people." I nodded, backtracking somewhat. "Still, as you and I both have said, what matters most to both of us is each other. I want you to be at peace with yourself, lover. That above all other concerns is what matters to me. I want you to be happy."

Looking into my eyes, he nodded slowly. "I simply wonder how I can ever be completely at peace while partly divided, lover." A frown returned to his features.

I leaned forward, kissing him gently in reassurance. "I am keeping our eyes open, lover, nothing more. You are very right to say that being divided within yourself makes complete peace impossible. You have existed this way to bridge the gap between your seer nature and your vampire nature. Now that the divide is shrinking, there is less need for a bridge." I sighed. "But these things are a concern, Celeste most of all. And I wonder what Flynn himself thinks of all this."

Peter drew in a long breath. "Truth be known, I think he was crushed when the option to be his own being was presented and then taken away from him. He has lacked purpose and even though you devised a way for him to perform a few duties, I think he could be coaxed knowing his talents would become my own." A wan smile appeared on his expression. "Better an existence of some kind than none at all." He swallowed hard and looked away from me before continuing. "I have tried explaining to Celeste the way this bridge is shrinking. At first, Flynn used to taunt that the 'boy scout' was coming around, but I know that has always begged the question between us..." Peter looked back to me and grinned. "If the seer finds peace with his nature then why does the assassin need to be a separate entity?"

Nodding, I said, "I imagine Flynn's end goal must always have been some sort of integration. A chance to live on through you, since he could not dominate you entirely. And the way you have been influencing him lately certainly speaks to the fact that the divide is closing on both sides." I grinned. "If the seer is ready to accept his vampire nature, then the assassin should be pleased that his protege is ready to take the next step. If this is the common ground between you, then by all means, let the divide be made non-existent."

As he looked back into my eyes, I noticed that his posture was more relaxed, his expression more at ease. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to consider an end to the faction." He leaned forward and kissed me deeply, caressing my lips with his before pulling away to grin. "This seer wants nothing more than to be his true self, lover."

I grinned back at him. "Simply be, lover mine. You have my love, my heart and soul, now and always. All other concerns aside, I am very glad to see you considering this."

He leaned forward and nipped my lower lip with his teeth, brushing his lips against mine before looking deep into my eyes. "And you have mine forever, lover. I want this as much to be at peace as to ensure peace reigns between us." I smiled at him as his lips touched mine again, then moved to kiss my cheek, and my forehead. "I need you so much, Victor. These are threads which simply cannot be loosed."

My hands found their way to his waist and pulled him close. "And I need you, lover. You are a part of my very being, something that was entirely unexpected but that has always felt completely and utterly right."

Peter nodded, smiling. "Indeed, lover. And I am... so much more relaxed about it all. I tell you it is as though a burden has been lifted from me. fetters loosed. Chains unbound. I simply am... with you, lover, I simply am and you fill my heart to overflowing with the simplicity of that." He kissed me again. "I love you completely, Victor.

"And I love you, Peter." I smiled back at him. "I am entirely intertwined with you and never want to come lose."

Our discussion turned to other things, lighthearted once more.

But I suppose each of us knew, were simply choosing to ignore, that simple was hardly ever so simple.